


How To Kiss A Boy

by LonelyThursday



Series: Pickpocket AU [1]
Category: Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Thieves, Flirting, M/M, Modern Era, Race is a Pickpocket, Trans Albert DaSilva, Trans Male Character, pickpocketing au, race pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-03 09:01:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21176822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LonelyThursday/pseuds/LonelyThursday
Summary: How to Kiss a Boy, a guide by me, Antony Higgins.1.	Grab his waist2.	Slip your hand into his pocket3.	Steal his wallet4.	Don’t even kiss him5.	Just runDid I say kiss? I meant pickpocketinspired by a post on tumblrwarning for excessive swearing and suggestive language (but nothing graphic)





	How To Kiss A Boy

**Author's Note:**

> I had a lot of fun with this one guys

How to Kiss a Boy, a guide by me, Antony Higgins. 

  1. Grab his waist
  2. Slip your hand into his pocket
  3. Steal his wallet
  4. Don’t even kiss him
  5. Just run

I’m sorry, did I say How to Kiss a Boy? I meant How to Pickpocket a Boy, a guide by me, Racetrack Higgins. 

Yeah, I’m a pickpocket. A gay pickpocket. Sometimes people tell me that I don’t need to clarify the gay part, but that a huge part of my MO! I go to clubs (or frat parties, or gay bars, anywhere there are bound to be cute boys with cash on them really, it helps when they’ve been drinking), I find a cute boy, flirt with him, lean in for the kiss, then, instead of making out, I make _off_ with his wallet. 

Fun, effective, lucrative, the only downside to this is that never get to actually _kiss_ the cute boys. And some of them have been pretty hella cute too. Like Jackson Kelly a month ago, he kept a hundred dollars in twenties in his wallet; his driver’s license photo had been complete trash though, it did _not_ do him justice _at all._ Or Sean Conlon a week after that, that boy had had the _best_ biceps I have ever seen on an actual human being; though he hadn’t had much as way of cash, I’d let him manhandle me any day of the week. 

Yeah, there have been some pretty cute boys on the job, but I’m a professional, I don’t let looks get in the way of the cash. I’m only human though, I keep the driver’s licenses of my marks in a box under my bed; sure that will probably get me convicted one day, but what can I say? I’m a sentimental kind of guy.

This whole pickpocketing thing was working out for me pretty well, until tonight that is. 

You see, earlier tonight I saw a cute boy at the club (and I mean _cute!) _and I did the one thing you should never do with the mark: I kissed him for real. 

Ok so here’s my thought process: I could kiss him once (just to do it), and then I could lean in to do it again, except instead of kissing him a second time, I would just take his wallet and run. My hand was already in his pocket so step 1 and 2 were complete, all I had to do was take his wallet. Simple!

Except that when I leaned in again, before I could get a grip on his wallet, he whispered “wanna get outta here?”

How am I supposed to say no to _that!_ I ask you. I’m only human after all. I have _needs. _And besides, he was cute! He had this crooked smile where the right side of his mouth pulled up slightly higher than the left side, his arms were nothing to sneeze at either (they weren’t Sean Conlon level, but _still), _and he had this bright red hair that was so _fluffy_ I just wanted to _pull-_

I was weak. That’s all it comes down to. I was weak. 

Anyway, all this is a long winded way of telling you that I’m currently handcuffed to my bed, in just my underwear, as this gorgeous _asshole_ digs through my stuff. Remember kids: if you’re going to sleep with the mark, do it at _their_ place. 

“Aww, are these all the guys whose wallets you’ve stolen?” Beautiful Bastard teases, pulling my box of driver’s licenses out. 

“Put those back!” I yell, struggling. The cuffs dig into my wrists painfully, but they don’t budge, and Ginger Jizzbreath ignores me. 

“Ooh! Sean Conlon, I know him,” Dashing Dickhead gasps. “He was_ pissed. _Personally game recognizes game, but Spot likes a more… _refined_ technique.”

“What the _fuck_ are you talking about?” I ask, thoroughly lost. Stunning Shitface just rolls his eyes. 

“I _mean _that _you_ were Spot’s mark, and while I’m a big fan of your whole fake-out-grab-and-go method, Spot’s more of a love-em-and-leave-em-broke kinda fella.”

_“WHAT?”_ Sean Conlon was a fellow _swindler!?_

“Yeah,” Juicy Jackass continues, barely paying me any mind. “See if he’d gotten _his_ way, you woulda gotten a kiss, and then you’da taken him back to your place, gotten laid, and woken up with all of your shit missing! That’s why your way was pretty effective, cuz Spot never had a chance. I think that’s why he’s pissed though; cuz you beat him to the punch.”

“So what? You’re here for revenge?” I ask. Kinda cliché if you ask me, going after a guy who stole from your buddy. Sean hadn’t even had much of value in his wallet! There’d been a debit card, but Crutchie had only found $30 in the attached bank account. OH! Crutchie! Finch! My roommates, they’ll probably be back from wherever they’ve gone to any minute and then Awesome Asswipe is totally gonna get what’s coming for him!

“Nah, I just wanted to see what you got. This is what was in my wallet,” Pretty Prick pulls out his wallet and shows it to me, it’s empty except for slip of paper that’s where the license should be. The paper reads: _Nice try, Pretty Boy ;P _

“But-“

“But then you had to go and actually kiss me,” Cute Cocksucker cuts me off. “And I really wasn’t expecting you to, but hey, you’re hot so I thought to myself ‘let’s see how far I can take this.’ So here we are.”

Breathtaking Bitchface finally ends his monologue, and despite my current position, I gotta say, I’m impressed. There’s just one thing that’s still bothering me. 

“You could have gone all the way. I would’ve let you.”

“Eh,” Magnificent Motherfucker waves my suggestion off. “I’m not one to take advantage like that, besides I figured this way would give me the best chance of seeing you again.”

With a shit-eating grin, Sexy Shitbrains (have I used that one? I honestly can’t remember) pulls a slip of paper out from his pocket and lays it on the middle of my sternum. 

“This is my number, call me Pretty Boy. Between the two of us, we could suck the whole club dry.” 

“I’ll to suck _you_ dry.” I mutter petulantly under my breath. It isn’t until Delectable Douchebag smirks that I realize the implications of my statement. 

“Sorry, Pretty Boy, wrong plumbing, but I'm sure we can make other arrangements,” Handsome Hellrag gives me a wink. “Later!”

And then he just walks out of my room, leaving me handcuffed to my bed.

“Hey!” I call out, hoping he hasn’t left yet. “You have to uncuff me!”

“I’m sure at least _one _of your roommates can pick locks!” Foxy Fuckface calls back. The jerk. 

I’m totally calling him as soon as I get out of here. 

**Author's Note:**

> So Race, Crutchie, Finch, Albert, and Spot are all thieves  
Crutchie is the tech guy, he'll break into your bank account and take your money all from the comfort of home  
Finch fancies himself a Robin Hood type, he's basically a gigolo who steals from his wealthy clients (usually older women, sometimes men)  
Albert's MO is similar to Race's except he actually does the kiss and slips the wallet out while they're not paying attention
> 
> I looked by synonyms to asshole and then I had to get creative with it


End file.
